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THE RESULTS ARE IN: Readers' Favorite Top Ten Essays!


OTHER NEW STUFF


Hot Wet Summertime Action -- New Frontiers In Poor Planning

Adios, Adieu, Amen -- In Which We Bid Farewell to the Liquidator

They Steam Steaks, Don't They? -- New Culinary Depths Are Plumbed



Welcome to my collection of Essays and Tasting Reports, a collection of nonsense sourced from various winegeek events across the Eastern Seaboard and beyond, tastings both blind and sighted, and idle speculations on the often peculiar things and people involved therewith. Responding swiftly to reader concerns, I have divided the formerly monolithic list of essays into several small, handily incomprehensible categories in order to facilitate confusion in smaller, bite-sized chunks. So without further ado, here are the words:


THE ROOSEVELT ISLAND EXPERIENCE


Passages -- The Adventure Begins (4/06)

Island Life -- In Which Guests Are Forcibly Hauled Across the Tidal Strait (5/06)

The Adoration of the Manatee -- Native Wildlife, Savennìeres (8/06)

Drinking As the Grave Gapes -- In Which Dressner Reveals a Strange Predilection... (9/06)



CRASHING SFJOE's PAD, EATING HIS FOOD, STEALING HIS WOMEN


Scads-O-Juice at Château Joe -- Give Me Hospitality or Give Me Death! (8/99)

VS Eats at Joe's -- The Man from Madrid Tells it Like it Is (11/7/99)

Iron Winegeeks -- Battle in Wino Stadium (2/19/00)

João's Not in Kansas Anymore -- In Which We Frighten a Visiting Winemaker (3/20/00)

Impostors Meet the Kesslers -- We Sneak Into an A-List Dinner, Zany Fun Ensues (11/4/00)

Bastille Day, the SFJoe Way (MoJoe 2001) -- Fortune Smiles on Us (7/01)

MoJoe 2002 -- Fairy Rings, Purple Martens & Death Scrod (7/02)

A New Low -- Boy, I Hope My Parents Aren't Reading This... (9/03)

Culling Me Softly -- The Old, the Dead, the Wretched (9/03)

MoJoe 2004 -- Swan Song at le Vieux Donjon? (7/04)

Lucid Dreaming at Châteauneuf-du-Joe -- Shhhh... Sleep Now... (10/06)

Falling Off the Meat Wagon -- The Meat Fairy Returns! (12/07)



BIG TIME GEEK CONVENTIONS


Geekfest Metuchen '99 -- Weird Wines in the Wilds of Jersey (6/5/99)

Cape May Geek Convention -- Rain and Wine, then More Rain and More Wine (6/3/00)

X-Geeks Save the Day -- Supergeeks to the Rescue! (6/10/00)

Cape Mayhem -- Better... Faster... Stronger... (5/25/01)

McNetta Midsummer Madness -- The Best McNetta Yet! (7/4/02)

Internet Recluse Convention -- The Dear Departed Get Down and Get Funky (1/10/03)

McNetta Winterfest '03 -- Far, Far Too Long! (1/22/03)

15 Fox Place -- The Last of the Red Hot Jeebi... (3/22/04)

Free Kay Bixler! -- Charity Benefit for Everyone's Favorite Guantanamite (7/04)



THE VALUE CONSCIOUS BOATLOADS OF CHEAP CRAP SERIES


Boatloads of Cheap Crap -- Just What the Title Says (9/04)

Boatloads II: Cheaper and Crappier -- Our Prices are INNNSAAAAAANE! (11/04)

Boatloads III: Cheap Crap Strikes Back -- How Low Can We Go? (3/05)

Boatloads IV: On the Rebound -- Not Quite So Cheap, Semi-Crappy (6/05)

Boatloads V: Trip the Light Mundane -- Daily Wines for Drab Drinking (9/05)

Boatloads VI: Cheap Crap for the Holidays! -- Get Your Relatives Drunk, Cheap! (12/05)

Boatloads VII: Cheapiness is Next to Gaudiness -- Running Out of Titles... (4/06)

Boatloads VIII: The Summer of Cheap Crap -- Local Island Cheapies (9/06)

Boatloads IX: Better Red Than Corked! -- All Red, All TCA, All the Time (11/06)

Boatloads X: So Very Tired -- Many Cheapies That Are Not Red (6/07)

Boatloads XI: Cruise Control -- Heavy On the U.S. of A. Cheapies (11/07)

Boatloads XII: Hopped Up On Goofballs -- Prescription Drugs Save the Day! (06/08)



THE SHAMEFULLY EXTRAVAGANT OCEANS OF OVERPRICED SWILL SERIES


Oceans of Overpriced Swill -- Just What the Title Says (11/05))

Oceans of Overpriced Swill II -- Wines That Break the Bank (11/05)

Oceans of Overpriced Swill III -- Drinking Ourselves Into Bankruptcy (3/06)



STARRING JOSEPH DRESSNER, BIGSHOT WINE GUY


Clash of the Ayatollahs -- Shy, Milquetoasty Men with No Opinions Whatsoever (4/19/00)

Motor Oil Marvels -- The Biggest, Thickest Bruisers on the Block (6/29/00)

Joey's First Jeebus -- Dressner Goes Nutzoid (1/6/01)

Farewell My Lovely -- A Fond If Joeless Adieu Is Bidden (6/01)

There Is No Hook -- Mystery Bottles, Confusion, Lack of Focus... (6/03)



THE QUIZ SHOW COAST-TO-COAST ODYSSEY


Quiz Show 1: NEW YORK -- Quiz Show Preparation (4/7/00)

Quiz Show 2: LOS ANGELES -- Heartbreaking Conclusion in the City of Angels (4/15/00)



LOIRE MANIA COMES UPON US LIKE A FEVER


Dark Night of the Loirenatics -- Strange Encounters with Loireheads (11/99)

Occult Wines -- Biodynamaniacs on the Loose (5/15/00)

Huet-A-Thon 2000 -- Does It Get Any Better Than This? (9/17/00)

Jeebus Vouvennièrrois -- Huet, Joly, Closel, Pinon, Tijou, Angeli, Weinstock... (7/02)

Muscajeeb -- The Beauty That Is Muscadet (12/02)

Eve of Chenin/Day of Satan -- '02 Loires Are Investigated (1/7/04)



THE CRUCIAL NEXUS OF WINE AND SPORTS


Baseball Wine -- A Good Idea Taken Too Far (10/99)

Subway Jeebus -- Wine with Baseball? (10/24/00)

Super Bowl Jeebus -- Wine with Football? (1/01)

Football Fever! -- Very Limited Football Content, But Some Cool Badgers... (1/05)



THE SECRET LIVES OF NEW YORK GEEKS


Five Jews and a Goy Walk Into a Bar... -- And Taste Some '66 Bordeaux (12/12/99)

Prodigal Hawaiians Return -- And Immediately Start Pouring (1/12/00)

Wasted Hours, Desperate Lives -- Pathos in a Bottle (7/15/00)

Premier Cru Jeebus -- Wine with Other People? (9/30/00)

The Return of the Jeebi -- We Arrive Late... (10/7/00)

A Discreet Affair -- Let's Keep This One Between Us, OK? (11/20/00)

The Longest Night -- New Year's Eve Hell (12/31/00)

Sitting Jeebis -- Mr. Connell Has a Bash (3/31/01)

August is the Cruelest Month -- The Heat Gets to Us (8/01)

Beaucoin Revisited -- A Wee Taste of the Gilded Age (3/7/04)

Chrid Coad Appreciation Week Festivities -- Celebrating the Glory That Is Me (10/04)

Metuchen Farewell -- Last Tango in New Jersey (12/06)



BIRTHDAYS, AND ENSUING HAVOC


Lisa's Birthday -- And A Very Happy One It Is (6/10/00)

September 15th, 2001 -- Not Festive; Necessary (9/15/01)

Let Sleeping Cats Lie -- If I Hadn't Been There, I Wouldn't Have Believed It... (9/17/02)

Age-Related Drunkenness -- It's All Just Too, Too Much (09/17/03)

MartyParty -- In Which a Singing Dog Appears (2/28/04)

Uncharacteristically Subdued Festivizational Activities -- Old Age Comes Upon Us (6/13/04)

Our Doghead, All Grown Up -- The Glorious Leader Comes of Age (11/04)

Birthday Engorgmement -- In Which Vast Tracts of Protein Are Consumed (6/06)



VANESSA TREVINO BOYD, STAR CHICK SOMMELIER


The Slightly Misplaced Weekend Part II -- Red Hook Adventures, Trouble at Casa Nesita (5/9/04)

Guess Who's Coming to Guzzle -- A July 4th Tableau Vivant (7/4/04)

MoJoe 2004 -- Dark Secrets, Shameful Confessions... (7/04)

Unclear Identities -- Who Are These Guys? (8/04)



THEME TASTINGS, SOME WITH THEMES


NYC Aussie Shiraz Blowout -- Who will Emerge as the King of 'Down Under'? (3/7/99)

Me, Lisa, and 12 California Chardonnays -- Does it Beat a Sharp Stick in the Eye? (5/27/99)

Cabernet Francfest! -- Plus Some Absurdly Good Wines (6/8/99)

South of France on the Upper West Side -- France's 'Other' Appellations (6/14/99)

Blind Syrah in the Big Apple -- Blind Tasting with New York's Geekiest (8/16/99)

Elegant American Wines -- Just Another Oxymoron? (9/99)

Cellar Gems -- NY Winos Bring Out Their Best (10/14/99)

New Yorkers Go Italian -- They Make Wine in Italy? (11/10/99)

Haut-Brion Ambush -- We Never Had a Chance... (12/4/99)

Finger-Lakin' Good -- Yes, They Make Wine in Upstate NY (12/8/99)

Searching for Chardonnay -- What is 'Good Chardonnay Fruit,' Anyway? (1/29/00)

Cult Madness! -- Trophy Wines Under the Microscope (2/8/00)

Yo-Ho for Pinot -- Burgundy vs. California (3/19/00)

Bordeaux Bash -- Wines from a Place in France! (12/11/00)

!Viva Mexico! -- Surprises from South of the Border (3/01)

Geyservillainy -- Many Ridge Geyservilles (2/02)

Casus Bello -- Many Ridge Monte Belli (4/02)

New Region for Value -- Bordeaux Comes Into Its Own (12/02)

Rioja Redux -- Old-School vs. Modern Spain, a Hamburger Virgin (10/04)

Never Do What We Have Done This Night -- All Spain! All Under $20! All Awful! (8/05)



SOLO SHOTS


Mess O'Cheapies -- Cheap is Good (6/29/99)

Catchup -- Random Vindiments (2/29/00)

Nonoffensive Notes -- Please Don't Be Offended. Please? (4/06/00)

Scraps -- Late-Night TV, Pizza, Shrieking Beagle... (3/15/01)

Threesomes -- I Get It On with Twins (2/14/02)

CNN Wines -- Too Much News, Too Much News... (11/10/01)

Drinking & Driving with Francois Pinon -- We Invade Vouvray and Ride Cool (3/02)

Drunken Hawaiian Holidays -- Featuring Everyone's Favorite Australian Plonk! (6/03)

Oregon in the Afternoon (An Idyll) -- Wine and Wanderings in the Pacific Northwest (5/04)



VISITING DIGNITARIES, SOME WITH DIGNITY


Canadians Invade -- Ambassadors From the Great White North, Eh? (9/23/99)

Robin in the Big City -- What's the Matter With You Punks? (2/2/00)

The Trilateral Offline -- Three Is a Magic Number (3/14/00)

SWILLERIFIC Tour 2000! -- Swedes Roll into the Big Apple (3/24/00)

Visitors from the South -- The Puerto Rico/New York Axis (4/23/00)

Jason Takes Manhattan -- Dr. Brandt Lewis: The Man, The Myth, The Knees... (5/00)

I Get the Shakes -- Robin Hits Town, Fast Living Catches Up with Me (6/6/00)

Horrifying the Newbies -- Terror on the Upper West Side (3/3/01)

Walt Begs for Mercy -- The Man Has No Shame (5/10/01)

Farid Fête -- Or Really, Faridless Fête (7/23/01)

Thor & Theresa Come to Town -- War, Mayhem Erupt (10/5/01)

Lucid Jeebusing -- Yixin Turns a Whiter Shade of Pale (2/02)

Greg Gets Us Wasted -- Bernard Roth Hits NY, Percarlo Vertical, Inebriation (4/02)

Still Life with Wine and Adlers -- I Remember That Night... That Was Fun. (11/02)

Axis Wines -- Barolo, Riesling, vandergrift, Bullets (11/02)

Still Life with Peach Vine Trees -- Florida Jim. Florida Jim! FLORIDA JIM! (4/03)

NEVER Say 'Spit' -- Eric Visits, Critical Mistakes Are Made (5/03)

The Slightly Misplaced Weekend Part II -- Eden Mylunsch, Wine Board Doyenne, Comes to Town (5/9/04)

Bury My Heart at 360 Van Brunt -- A Visit From Scott Kraft, Reclusive Billionaire; an Emperor Is Crowned (1/05)

Young Turk Meets Old Guard -- Rookie of the Year Rahsaan Maxwell Faces the Big Town (1/06)

Lies, Damned Lies, and Tail Meat -- Rahsaan Returns for Another Bite of the Apple (7/06)

Mighty Joe Perry Does Artisanal -- In Which a Well-Deserved Whacking Is Administered (12/06)

In Grolla al Lupo! -- Paolo Faustini Sings for His Supper (5/07)



ENCOUNTERS WITH OUR FOODIE BRETHREN; CHAOS IN THE KITCHEN


In the Lair of the Foodies -- Does Wine Go With Food? (10/14/01)

In the Lair of the Foodies 2 -- This Time It's Personal (2/03)

Island Jeeb -- What Wine Goes with Lomi-Lomi Salmon? (3/03)

Fear and Braising in New Jersey -- In the Kitchen Alone, Wayyyy Over My Head (11/04)

Foodies 3 -- Foodies Take New Jersey By Storm (3/05)

It's All About the Chicken -- With Bonus FREE Recipe! (10/05)

Spuds, We Hardly Knew Ye... -- Anyone Can Cook A Potato... Right? (11/05)

PigFest -- In Which I Finally Formulate My Life's Goal (1/06)

Foodies 2006 -- In Which We Finally Get Kane's Goat (2/06)

Foodies 2007 -- Toffed Bacon. TOFFEED BACON! (3/07)



JAY MILLER, MAN FOR ALL SEASONINGS


Miller Time -- In Which Jay Brings Order Out of Chaos (1/12/02)

Jay Cleans His Fridge -- We Help Him Drink (5/12/02)

Rejeebus -- Once More, with Feeling (7/21/02)

Man's Crisis of Scheduling -- In the Early Days of the Twenty-First Century (12/18/02)

Fisting Punts, et al. -- Chambolle, Chassagne, Chambertin, Uncouth Antics (8/26/02)

Oddball Grapes -- Wines From Off the Beaten Path... (8/03)

Stupid Fizzies, Dead Burgundy -- Stuff with Bubbles, Terminal Pinot (9/14/03)

The Slightly Misplaced Weekend Part 1 -- In Which Shirazicide Is Attempted (5/2/04)

In Which Rules Are Flagrantly Broken -- Jay Devises Fiendishly Intricate Drinking Conditions (11/04)

A Sedate Evening of Noncontroversial Pleasantries -- Bo-o-o-o-ring (6/05)

JayDay Festivities -- In Which Hugh Jackman is Barely Mentioned (7/06)



FROM THE BRADCAVE TO STATELY KANE MANOR


Mucho Vino at Stately Kane Manor -- Hot, Wet Lakeside Action! (7/24/99)

Kaneturbury Tales -- I Go All Literary (9/20/99)

Adventures in the Bradcave -- Kaneapalooza 1999 (12/19/99)

Party House -- Kane's Parents Leave Town, We Trash the Place (12/01)

Bastard, Bastard, Bastard -- A Horrible Bait-and-Switch Is Perpetrated (11/23/03)

Shanks for the Memories -- In Which the Metrosexual Outs Himself (4/24/04)

Buster Had a Little Lamb -- "Why Are You Mad? Leave the Message of Peace..." (9/04)

Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner -- Three Meals In One Day (5/05)

Lou Turns the Worm -- Funny How Life Can Turn on a Dime, Idnit? (11/05)

Fever Dream -- WOOOOOOO! (1/07)

The 40 Year Old Semi-Virgin -- In Which Kane Annoys Me (6/07)



UMMMM... POTPOURRI?


Of Bass and Men -- A Vicarious Tasting Odyssey (2/01)

The True Meaning of Asylum -- The Feelgood Hit of the Summer (9/8/00)

Waiting for Callahan -- A Tragicomedy in One Act (9/12/99)

Fertility, Ferality and Festivity Chez O. -- Wine Lovers Go to the Dogs (9/99)

Journey to Queens? -- Who Will Survive the Trip? (10/30/99)

Saint Andrew's Not Cross -- Age-Old Conflicts Are Renewed (1/15/00)

NJERS -- Pretty Boring, I'm Afraid (1/23/00)

The New Wine Achievers -- In the Dark, Dark Basement (7/00)

The Heat -- Summer in the City (6/16/01)

WHITHER WINEGEEKERY AFTER SEPTEMBER 11th?
(Plus: Bonus Lisa Update)

Nine Characters In Search of a Theme -- It's Too Confusing, It's Just Too Confusing... (11/02)

Summer Mishmash -- Yes, Summer Mishmash, That's What I Said. (7/03)

I Have the Best Wife -- It's True, I Do. No, Really. You'll See Why. (9/03)







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